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"Why is the best question."

So for those of you out there trying to figure yourself out, learning the right questions to ask yourself can be pivotal in figuring out why you do what you do. So why is "why" the best question to ask? Well for one, it helps you dig a little deeper into your thinking and it helps you understand yourself better. Let me illustrate.

Recently I had a client say to me, "I'm afraid I will disappoint my parents." Now that is a thought that he has had reoccurring for years. This thought keeps him from doing certain things because of the fear of disappointing his parents. But in order to find out the root of that statement, we have to ask "why". So with him, I asked him, "why are you afraid to disappoint your parents? That always seems to stump them and they have to dig deeper and look within themselves. His reply, "because I want them to be proud of me". Again I asked, "why?". And as we continued to look at his thinking and dig and dig, the bottom line? He wants love. He believes that if he does certain things that "make" his parents proud, (he believes he can control their thinking) then they will have more love for him. So then we explored, so what if your parents love you more? Why is that important? "If my parents love me more, then I am more valuable." That was his belief created by his thinking. So my client wants to be valuable and the way he thinks he needs to do that is to do certain things so that others think he is valuable. But what if he could just generate thoughts from himself that he is valuable and then he wouldn't need others to tell him he is.

So lets explore a few other scenario's of why questioning "why" is valuable:

I need to graduate from college. Why?

I want to get married eventually. Why?

I wish I could be prettier or skinnier. Why?

I need to make more money. Why?

I want a successful career. Why?

When you ask yourself why over and over you can often get down to the real reasons why you believe that you "should" do something or why you feel like you need to do something. And almost always the root of it comes down to being good enough or feeling loved. It's so interesting how many times I have counseled someone and the bottom line has been these idea's.

So if you are worried, stressed, overwhelmed, etc. start asking yourself "why"? You might be surprised by what you find out about yourself.

If you need help figuring out the "why's" of your life, come talk to me through zoom and let me help you figure out the why's so you can figure out the "what's". Contact me at and the first session is free. If you're scared to contact me, figure out WHY :)

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