Why can dating be so hard?
Dating... Is that even what you call it these days? I hear more about "hanging out" than I do about dating one-on-one. I hear so often that dating is "hard", "complicated", "frustrating", "scary", etc. Young adults tell me that there is no one out there, or everyone they date is weird, or not their style, or not their kind of person and on and on. We limit ourselves so much when we get these kind of thoughts in our head. Then the other side of the coin, is how we feel about ourselves. We feel like the other person might not like us, we might not be skinny enough, handsome enough, talented enough. We think that we don't know what to say, or how to act. What if you don't like the person who likes you? What if it doesn't work out? I don't want to get hurt... I don't want to waste my time and money.... There is no one out there for me.... Do you see how all of this is just a bunch of thoughts surrounding dating? We have all these idea's and thoughts about what each other, thinks, likes, wants, and we have MADE dating hard. The fact is, a date is when a few couples, or maybe just 1 boy and 1 girl go out and do something to get to know each other. That is what a date is. But we have soooo many thoughts surrounding it and we feel overwhelmed and frustrated. But it's because of all the thoughts that surround our idea's of dating. When we go into a dating situation thinking, "I'm never going to find the right person" (and what is the "right" person anyway?) then we usually feel discouraged and frustrated and then we enter the date already pre-determining what is going to happen, or we never accept a date in the first place. So the result is....... we never find the "right" person. Do you see how this all starts as a result of our thoughts? And is there really just one "right" person? Or maybe there are many people you could go on a date with or hang out and have a great time. They don't even have to be like us! We can learn a lot from someone who is different than us!
I remember a date I had in college. This guy who lived in my apartment complex asked me out. And my thought was, "he is so not my type." He was kind of a hippie, guitar playing, kinda guy. I already had thoughts about the date before we even had it. He picked me up and we went to another apartment and made pizza's and sang songs, as he played his guitar, and it was a blast! Even though he "wasn't my type" I had fun. It would have been so less stressful and less drama if I would have just had a thought like, "well this is going to be fun". Because it was fun! Oh the drama we get ourselves into!!
So how do we learn to date or hang out and not make it mean anything other than going for ice cream? First of all we have to change our thinking around dating. A date is a fact. So if we can look at dating as neutral, or even something positive, it will help us change everything. Let me illustrate. So let's say we are invited on a group date. The fact is, it is when a few couples get together to do something and get to know each other. So what if your thought is, "Dating is fun", or "I'm going to get to know another human", or "dating is a fun way to interact", or "I can go have fun and not marry this person". So what if you had thoughts like this going into a group date? Well by thinking something neutral or positive, that would help you feel calm, or relaxed, or not-pressured. Then you could just go have fun without the pressure of something more. And don't even get me started on the physical parts of dating - kissing on the 1st date? Why? Hmmmm.....
Anyway, choosing how you want to look at dating and hanging out will determine how you feel, how you act on the date, and the results you have in dating. It really does come down to how you want to think about it. So why not think, "Dating is fun"! It's way more fun than thinking that dating stinks! Life is to be enjoyed! If you are struggling with dating or being with the opposite sex, come talk to me! Directyourlifecoaching.com and click free mini session. I will talk to you for free and get you the help you are looking for. It might change your whole attitude towards dating!