Have you ever seen a movie where there is a perpetrator and a victim? The perpetrator is usually the bad guy and we look at the victim as the good guy who was wronged. We tend to root for the underdog or the victim and hope they can overcome their obstacles. And we want to blame the bad guy (perpetrator) and make him pay for what he has done. Sound familiar?
Well in real life we have perceived perpetrators and victims. We tend to blame things on others to justify our behavior. For example, how many of us blame our parents, our upbringing, old friends or boyfriends, old church leaders, a teacher etc. for why we are the way we are. I know I did this! As I became a young adult, I wanted to blame my mom for my lack of self-esteem, my dad for my lack of understanding about money, or my teachers for not understanding math better, etc. so that I didn't have to take any responsibility for my behavior. And it worked for a while. But it didn't make me feel good. So do you see how we like to justify how we are on how other people treated us?
That's the blame game - It's someone else's fault. But when we do this we give others power over how we feel. That is being a victim. Let me give you some indicators that might help you decide if you are in blame game and victim mode. 1) We believe it's someone else's fault. 2) We believe others are the source of our pain. 3) We don't put ourselves out there because someone might attack us. 4) We complain and say, "poor me". Feeling sorry for yourself and feeling trapped is victim mode. 5) And finally they make it about them and they feel like they are always the target of someone else.
So what is the problem of being the victim? When we are the victim, we give all our power to the perpetrator. We feel helpless, anger and fearful as the victim. Sometimes the perpetrator doesn't even know that we've made him the bad guy. But it's all in our thinking.
For example, what if a friend comes to pick you up for a party and carelessly says, "What's up with your outfit?" Right there you have a choice to make. Are you going to become the victim of their comment, or are you going to decide to take your own power and not let them determine how you feel about how you look? If you are in victim mode, you go to the party, feel sorry for yourself because you chose to believe that you look stupid, you believe everyone is laughing at you, and that you should just go home. You could do that. But that's victim mode. Or when the comment is made, "what's up with the outfit?", you say, "That's your opinion... I love my outfit and am so ready to go have fun at the party." You have taken control of the situation. You have not allowed what "the perpetrator" said to affect how you feel about yourself. You have chosen to feel what you want about yourself and your outfit. So what I'm saying is, you are in charge or yourself, your feelings, and whether or not you chose to let things get to you. And why does this matter? Because it changes everything! You get to choose your life and your experiences. It feels so much better to have control over your emotions then letting someone else have control. Try it.... it might change everything.
If you would like to learn more about victim mentality and the blame game, or you are finding yourself in victim mode, go to directyourlifecoaching.com and sign up for a free no obligation mini session. And then you can start taking your power back!