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Sometimes I feel lonely....

Do you ever feel lonely? Well you're not alone! Do you know most young adults these days report to me that they are lonely? Why is that and is there anything we can do to change that?

I'll never forget moving away from home, into an apartment where I didn't know anyone. My roommates had their friends and their lives and they weren't the least bit interested in a freshman. I tried to be happy and fun and get to know people, but it seemed to me everyone was doing their own thing. And I felt lonely A LOT as a young adult.

So what can we do if we feel lonely? Well first we need to recognize where lonely comes from. Loneliness is an emotion that we feel. And there are other emotions that sometimes come with that such as boredom, sadness, depression, hopelessness etc. But all of these are still emotions. Where do emotions come from? They come from how we are thinking. Now before you say, "what?" Stick with me. Whenever we feel something, it comes from our thinking. So look at some examples to illustrate. So if you are feeling "lonely" what is your thinking? My experience is when I'm feeling lonely I am thinking, "I have no friends", or "I have no one to talk to", or "no one wants to hang out with me", and those thoughts make me feel lonely. What about boredom? Thoughts like, "I don't have anything to do", or "there is nothing fun in my life", "or life is so boring," and that makes me feel bored. Do you see the connection?

So how do we change this? If you want to change the way you feel, you have to change the thoughts that you are thinking. So if you are lonely, what thoughts could you change to feel better? Well that is entirely up to you. But things I do when I am lonely are: "Hey I have some time to myself - I'm going to do something I like to do," and then that changes my emotion to calm or content. Or you could find a thought like, "I'm going to find someone who might also be lonely and help them." Then you change your emotion to helpful. There's hundreds of thoughts that you could think to help you feel different.

One thing I have noticed that I "think" is going to make me feel less lonely, but actually has the opposite result is getting on social media. In thinking that if I get on social media, that will be my way to feel less lonely and see what everyone else is doing. Actually, it makes me feel much worse. Why? Because I am looking at all the things everyone else is doing, and then thoughts like, "Man, everyone is having fun but me" starts to enter my head, and that makes me feel sad or more lonely than when I begin. So I am really careful with social media!

So if you are feeling lonely and need some help to feel better, sign up for a free 30 min session with me and we can chat. There is no obligation, and we can find out what thoughts are making you feel lonely, and find other thoughts to help you feel better. It's easy! Just go to and hit "mini-session" and boom, you're one step closer to feeling better!

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