Search

Am I Too Picky in Dating?


Have you ever wondered if you are too picky in dating? Maybe you're looking for the perfect mate and you just can't seem to find them? Why are we picky in dating and what is that really all about? Well you should know me by now... It's all about our thoughts! Even in relationships with people, there are so many thoughts running through our heads. When we meet people we generally have some thoughts or judgements about this person. What they look like, what they wear, how they act, what their hobbies are... Are they a skater, a cowboy, a rebel, an athlete-type etc. etc. And we have thoughts that we will only be happy with the type of person we are looking for. So if you are a cowboy, then you have to meet a cowgirl. Right? But do you see how all of this is just in our thoughts. We shut so many people down before we even have a chance to meet them or talk to them, because that's not "our type." Well what is our type? It's a group of thoughts that we have in our head about what we like. But it's just a bunch of thoughts. Really it's just people who come from different backgrounds and who dress or like certain things. But that isn't who they are. They aren't their clothes, they aren't their hobbies. They are human beings.

So when I was dating, I decided that I liked the outdoorsy, hunter type. He had to like camo, motorcycling, hunting, and snowmobiling. Why? Because I grew up in a family that liked to do those things, so I wanted someone who liked those things. And my thoughts all were something about how happiness was found in a burley, hunter guy. But that was just something they did, it wasn't who they were. Well, interestingly, I dated those kind of guys, and if anyone asked me out who wasn't the "hunter type", I wrote them off before I even gave them a chance. And eventually I married the "hunter-type". And don't get me wrong - I love this guy! But I don't love him because he is a hunter. In fact, the first year of marriage, we were so poor, he couldn't hunt at all. We couldn't afford the ammo. And for the first few years of our marriage, he didn't hunt. We were both in school full-time and working full-time and then a baby came. We didn't have time to hunt. Other things took the priority. But in being married to this man, what I did learn was that I loved his qualities more than his hunting skills. I loved that he was kind, and served everyone around him. I loved how he treated me, and how he worked hard. Those were qualities that I found in him. And of course those are all my thoughts, but those thoughts created a feeling of love for this man. So did it have to do with hunting? No. Now some of you are saying, "But I'm attracted to the hunter-type". And what I would tell you is that this is just a thought. You have a thought that you are attracted to skaters, and then you form thoughts and opinions of skaters, and then you see a skater and blush, and pretty soon you are dating a skater. But what if we just saw each other as humans? Humans who are here having a human experience. That includes some good and some bad. But we are not what we do. There are deeper qualities we each have within us, and when we withhold judgement long enough to really get to know another human and see their qualities, then we can form thoughts and beliefs based upon truth and not upon judgements or thoughts. So stop being so picky and go out with lots of different kinds of people. You might be surprised by what you find! Need some help with dating or having judgement about who you date? Go to Directyourlifecoaching.com and click on "mini session". It's free and it might be the best button you ever clicked!!

0 views